Each year around now, we re-post our budding TV stars’ guide to reporting on snow storms. This year, something a little different. This year the Wessays(™) Academy of Journalism presents a hypothetical situation.
It’s December. The temperature is low. The precipitation probability is near 100% and at absolutely the wrong time, the snow starts to fall and actual news breaks.
What to cover? Not enough staff to report both adequately. Okay, here’s the plan: send the reporter out to the tree where firefighters rescued the cat and ask the sports guys to cover the storm.
So Ned and Ted suit up and start their play by play.
NED: I don’t know, Ted, this looks like a big storm coming up … I normally don’t take sides but in this case, I’m hoping the plows will win.
TED: Well, these teams have a long term rivalry.
(shuffles papers, finds what he’s looking for, resumes his part of the pregame.)
T: Looking over the stats it seems that each time these teams have met the plows get battered in the early innings but come back later to clean house.
N: The first flakes are falling as snow takes the first swing and you can see the tension building on the field.
T: Yes, Ned, the salt spreader has come up from the minors and this is his first major league appearance. We saw part of his warmup earlier today.
(Video: men load salt into a truck.)
T: Salt is a family guy. Comes out of Ypsilanti, Michigan. Won the NCAA Saline Trophy when he played for Penn State.
N: Salt is spreading but those flakes are really coming down now. Sand is looking on, waiting for a signal from Salt. Salt can call Sand in right about now. But it looks like he plans to handle this first onslaught alone.
T: Sand was almost traded to Fairfax, Virginia a few seasons back. But they sent him for an engine transplant instead, and he’s good as new.
N: Forty Two mile an hour wind gust from the west/northwest now. Snow beginning to pile up some points on the road and sidewalks. Plow is moving in from the outfield. Yes he is… pushing away one of the first snow piles.
T: Can we see a replay of that push?
(Video: Plow pushes snow away, graphics department puts an animated circle around the snow pile.)
Unlike most sports, there is no clock in Snow Removal. Major League Storm considered switching from innings to timed quarters. That would need the approval of 60% of the team owners, and the League gave up because it couldn’t muster the votes.
Plus the TV people complained, fearing they couldn’t squeeze in enough commercials between quarters and didn’t want to pay for a half time show. But that wasn’t their only problem.
They’re still trying to figure out whether it’s okay to put competing auto dealer commercials in the same commercial break and whether the cat story warrants interrupting the game. There are no time outs in snow removal.
–The FCC has eliminated net neutrality. This means your internet pr v i d e r can sl ow… parts of your s e r v i ce if it doe n ‘t approve of w hat you’re reading. Also bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb co co completely.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®