These things are all over the place. People are twirling them, experimenting with them, trading them. And we at the NFA, the National Fidgetspinner Association, are proud to defend the right of every American to own them.
Fight? Well, yes. We have to fight. You see there’s a whole movement forming around a proposed ban. Responsible, law abiding owners of these devices should be free to own, conceal- carry and use them where and when they choose.
Imagine this: You’re on the subway and it stalls between stops. Everyone’s nervous. A good guy with a fidget spinner could calm the situation instantly. And now the Liberal Establishment and its Soros-backed coalition of spineless, fear crazed lackeys are coming to get your spinner. These are the people who need them the most. The nervous Nellies as President Johnson once called them.
They’re forcing dealers to force customers to fill out mountains of forms. The federal government is doing background checks. They’re cracking down on spinner shows held by real Americans in the great tradition of open markets, garage sales and swap meets.
Imagine this: It’s a week before report cards are issued in the Moote Pointe Middle School and all the kids are restless and filled with fear. A school cop with a fidget spinner could calm them all, one kid at a time. But will school districts allow their security patrols to carry? In some small communities, it’s legal. But not in most.
Imagine this: you’re in a darkened movie theater and you know the villain is about to stage a blindsiding attack on the damsel in distress. People start to fidget with anticipation. If they were carrying (concealed or openly,) no one would panic.
Or… it’s a dark and stormy night. You get a flat tire, pull off the road and tap for help on your GEICO mobile app. Then you wait and wait and wait for the tow truck. If only you had a Fidget Spinner, the wait would seem shorter and you’d never have to fidget. But no. Those Bloomberg-inspired lefties would have you stand there, shaking.
Or… it’s Junior Prom night. You’re standing on her doorstep in your rented tuxedo, holding the corsage you’re going to pin on her dress and you’re shaking like a leaf. Meantime, she’s inside waiting to be pinned and you’re both sweating bullets.
If only you were allowed to carry. If only.
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-Drop a few of those spinners off here and there in the White House and maybe they’ll distract the Tweeter-in-Chief for awhile.
–All of a sudden the left has discovered States’ Rights, so often lionized by the right. City after city and some states have decided they won’t follow the federal lead in abandoning the Paris climate agreement. When the president says he represents the “people of Pittsburgh, not Paris” he’s wrong on the former.
I’m Wes Richards. My opinions are my own but you’re welcome to them. ®