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“You’ll drive three thousand miles, stand in line three hours and deal with weird people just to save a quarter.” Those are my husband’s words as he sits in the car in the Walmart parking lot. He won’t go into Walmart because he thinks everybody; workers, shoppers and me are all weird.
He also sits in his car to make sure nobody breathes on it while it’s in the Walmart parking lot.
I don’t mind Walmart, especially if I go early in the morning when the parking lot and the store are not crowded. I admit Walmart is not even close to shopping at places like organic grocery stores or even Needless Markup. (We love that phrase). However, when it comes to things like distilled water for our humidifier or certain cleaning supplies, why should I spend more than necessary?
So as usual, Hub reluctantly gets up at the crack of dawn and we go to the Walmart parking lot. I go in and he stays out to also make sure shopping carts stay away from his car.
Hub doesn’t mind the Walmart experience (for me) if I have ordered something online for him and we’re headed to Walmart to pick it up. (That was the case this week). He still doesn’t go in but the parking lot becomes more of a one man Chicago Bears tailgating party for him.
This time however, it was a comedy of errors. I mistakenly ordered Swiffer Wets and bleach online for store pickup because I had ordered something anyway for Hub. My thought was to pick up all three items at the same time and save lots of $$$$$$$$$$. The items were paid for online so I had no choice but to pick them up. Within one day, Hub’s item was ready for pickup. The bleach and the Swiffers took four more days. We made a dreaded second trip in one week to the Walmart parking lot to get those items when they were ready, but the “Pickup” desk wasn’t open. When I asked for help, I was told to wait 15 minutes.
Instead, I found a guy wearing a Walmart hoodie. He told me he doesn’t work in that department. Oh Well. Then a lady in a yellow Walmart vest shows up with a clipboard. She agrees to open the desk and look up my items. When she realizes the items are waaaaaaaaayyyyy in the back of the warehouse, she promptly says: “I ain’t goin’ back there”. She bribes the little guy with the Walmart hoodie to get my stuff while she does something for him. Meanwhile I just relax, watch the people and I am thankful Hub is not in here to see anything like this..
About 15 minutes later, here comes the little guy wearing the hoodie and carrying a brown box. Inside are the bleach and two boxes of Swiffer Wets. The lady checks me out and reminds me that next time I don’t have to buy that stuff online because the store will match the online price. (Now you tell me). I pick up the brown box to leave and realize it is soaking wet on the bottom. Neither of those two are surprised. (They just hoped I wouldn’t notice). So they check it out and find one Swiffer Wet box cracked. The little guy in the Walmart hoodie agrees to get me another one after they both agree the box was sitting sideways in the far away warehouse.
After another 15 minutes, here comes the little guy wearing the Walmart hoodie. He is carrying three Swiffer Wet boxes. We meet at the bench near the checkout counters and he explains the three different scents and asks which one I want. He wanted me to have a choice. AWWW!!! I chose the orange. He was happy and I was relieved to get out. What a nice kid. He actually looked like a Santa’s helper Elf when I saw him carrying stacked up boxes and wearing his Walmart hoodie. It felt like a North Pole Walmart. (What else can one do in a situation like that but dream to escape reality?)
I looked as crazy as Hub said I was as I laughed all the way back to the car. After explaining the comedy of errors to Hub, I laughed all the way home while he stared at me with a straight face. It really wasn’t funny to him because he remembers when I was nearly robbed at a Walmart in North Carolina at 7AM. The gang of young men gathered around me in the candy aisle, but something made them stop and run in different directions. I think it was because I stared at them with my hand in my pocket with that mean look we can get when we want to. They weren’t sure who I was. Hub thinks I was just lucky. Two days later the same thugs robbed a woman in a Walmart parking lot in South Carolina.
I have finally learned my lesson. Hub is right. Three thousand miles, three hours, strange people and a comedy of errors are not worth it just to save a quarter.
by Dianne Thompson Stanciel ©® comments welcome at firstname.lastname@example.org